My Immortal
by angietheunicorn
Summary: spoilers! you have been warned! we were told in the seventh book that lily Grew up with snape, and how he never got over her. this is his story. songfic to 'mu immortal' by evanessance
1. Chapter 1

I do not own anything. Song 'my immortal by evanessance I know I spelt it wrong

My immortal

A lone silhouette stood out among the dark night sky. The wind blew so gently, brushing his face with tendrils of cooling air. They wound around him, like the sorrow that he felt at what he had done. He looked up from the burnt ground, feeling the warm teardrops flow from his eyes, finally falling. Some tears and regrets come too late. He was too late. It had started so long ago. The wind rose, blowing ash into his face, making his eyes burn with regret and sting with sorrow. He lost his composure and fell to his knees, his hands cupping a tear stained face framed by locks of black hair. The smoldering longs around him cast smoke into his air and lungs, into his heart. His tears slipped from his cheeks and fell into the ashy rubble, throwing up a tiny wisp of ash, then that wisp, fading, just like his resolve was.

He bawled, not feeling the smoke. He didn't feel it when the sky opened up, and it rained. The night sky was black with cloud, with no hope of him seeing the stars. The wind whipped up, but he didn't feel it. He would morn for her death, and maybe even for James, the one she loved, but he had to come to terms with himself first.

He got up, his eyes still watery. A bolt of lightning struck, and he remembered her, first year, smiling at him, the sunlight pouring in from a window and making her hair blaze like fire. She had a young, innocent smile on her face. She asked him a question silently, but he didn't remember what she had said, only how purely angelic she looked, framed by a seemingly divine light, the school uniform had fit her perfectly, and a young severas could remember spending tons of time smiling and laughing with her.

Suddenly, the light faded like the smoke from a dying ember, and he was once again staring at the smoldering, smoking, burnt ground, rain pouring around his lone figure. The wind had died down, but the rain continued to pour. He racked his soul, trying to get rid of the pain and sorrow he had.

_I'm so tired of being here,_

_Surprised by all my childish fears._

He couldn't take it. He ran, trying to escape, but he never could. His feet pounded on the rainy, slushy streets, stumbling through the dark, winding roads framed by houses filled with people who didn't understand. He was the reason she was dead. He stopped running, skidding and falling flat on his face. He tasted the coppery tang of blood from his lip. He looked through his tears at where he was. He was on the cross street of a main street and a winding, tiny, back street that hardly had any traffic. He looked dully on as a light went on in the window, and how a loving woman sat up in her bed, to embrace her blonde haired child whom had a nightmare. The little girl was crying, the sound cutting into severas with white-hot knives. The mother got up, carrying the little girl to the room. She looked at him, and for a second, her green eyes flashed into those that he knew so much.

The girl smiled weakly at him, and he realized he was crying again. Why wouldn't she just leave him be?

_And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave_

He ran again, not hearing the cars that swerved around him. The rain pooled around his feet wherever he ran. He stopped and looked around, gasping and dragging air into his sore lungs. He was right next to a park. The wind blew the swings gently, the rain vanished, and he saw here, like she was at the time. She was seven, and he was too. She swung higher and higher, giggling at him as he red hair flew like a banner behind her. She smiled, and laughed, enduring the high she got.

The wind blew, and the dark, wt, empty seat swung. It was empty. It would never be graced by her presence again, just like him. He had though he didn't care about her, but he did. He did. He never stopped, even when he had gotten the invitation for the wedding.

'Cause your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone

He watched as the wind blew the swing. He could almost see herm swinging her legs. He could almost hear her laughter, a souvenir of yesterday. He averted his eyes, watching water that was not rain drip into the puddle beneath him. It swung gently, a semblance of what was, reminding him, tearing again into his heart. He thought he had gotten rid of his heart, of his feeling for her. He was sure he did. But then, why did it bleed so?

These wounds won't seem to heal

He still loved her. He still did. Her eyes, her hair, her. Everything. His guilt bottled up, mixing with the self inflicted hatred, exchanging and flirting with the bits of love and most of all pain, forming and bubbling until he had to run, and he ran, and he ran, but he couldn't get away. It was still there.

This pain is just too real

He stopped again, not daring to look up. He didn't need too. He knew where he was. The ground was covered it water, and he could see his own, dark, grim, reflection staring at him. He looked into those dark eyes, and got angry. He kicked the puddle, and saw through the drops, a message, written in the cement.

He dropped to his knees. The rain soaked through his stained pants. He looked in awe at the indentations in the hard, rough concrete. He gingerly touched it with a pale finger. He traced the words written there, his eyes overflowing once again. It was cold, bitter cold, but he couldn't care. He remembered, even though he wished he wouldn't.

FLASH BACK

A younger lily looked down at her work in the wet cement, dipping her finger into it once more, her eyes crinkled with mild frustration as she dragged her finger through the think substance. Her tongue poked out of her mouth, and she worked with what she was doing. Her eyes, framed by long lashes, traced her work.

A smile broke out on her face, her childish lips curling upwards, her eyes lighting up with a glow so innocent, a glow so bright, it hurt Severas to remember it now.

"See Severas, now we can always remember each other, as long as this will be here for, and that it going to be forever." She was looking at her work in the wet cement, rubbing her finger on her pants. She reached up, trying to feel the bits she knew she had gotten into her fiery red hair.

Severas had looked down, tracing his eyes over the words her hands had written. It was SS and LE forever. And right next to it, there had been a tiny heart. The sunlight caressed it, and severas can remember feeling his eyes fill up with tears.


	2. To late for tears

END OF FLASHBACK

He closed them, and opened them, seeing the dark, cold concrete beneath him. The words still could be seen, and he cried.

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

A solitary tear dripped down his face, falling onto those words carved into the cement. He traced them gently, openly sobbing.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

FLASHBACK

A younger Severas held the sobbing girl.

"What did petunia do now?" he asked gently, stroking her red hair with chubby, childish fingers.

"She called me a freak!" she sobbed into his friendly shoulder

"She's wrong, Lily, she is wrong. Don't cry. It'll be all right. She will say sorry sooner or later, I'm sure she didn't mean it." he comforted her

END OF FLASHBACK

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

FLASHBACK

"It's ok, Lily," an early teenage version of Severas told her, comforting her and patting her back. " The death eaters aren't going to get you. Your mom is alive, she isn't dead."

Lily was breathing fast, her eyes filled with fear, woken up by her own screaming.

END OF FLASHBACK

Severas remembered. He remembered her.

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

FLASHBACK

They came into the great hall, two scared first years, holding hands for comfort. All the bigger kids, and the torches, just hovering, was all so overwhealming. They both moved away from people trying to trip them. They were holding hands.

END OF FLASHBACK.

Severas wished she would just get out of his head. He had felt guilty, why had he gone through with it? He had loved her, with all of his being, and she married James. He never really got over her. He never did.

_But you still have_

She had taken one thing to the grave with her… his heart.

_All of me_

He sat there. For how long, he didn't know. But when he got up, hours or minutes or days later, he looked back at the concrete behind him, and he let a tear slip down his cheek.

He had told himself that there would be other women, but he was wrong. He was wrong. There was never going to be anymore. No one could take her place.

_You used to captivate me_

Why couldn't he just get over it? She was…gone. Who was he kidding? She was dead. He had killed her. He had killed her.

_By your resonating light_

FLASHBACK

The first day of third year, how could he forget it? It was the first time he actually admitted her loved her to himself.

He didn't understand why. She was a pretty, smart, kind, clever, wonderful, fiery young woman, and he was the poor, skinny, gaunt excuse for whimsy adolescence. Why did he love her?

He thought then it was because they were opposites. He was interested in the dark arts, and she reviled in defense against the dark arts. Maybe it was her enlightening personality.

A younger Snape pondered these things while he ate dinner, and then went to the library later.

END OF FLASHBACK

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

A small piece of hail hit his nose. He looked around, wondering if her spirit was angry with him, trapping him in his former, Hogwarts life.

He was sorry, he had cried, wasn't that enough? Wasn't there only so much pain that a heart can endure?

The hail pounded around him, small chunks hitting the concrete around him. He didn't feel the cold. His heart was much colder. This hail felt warm.

He walked closer to the cold, deserted play set that they had played on so much when he was younger.

His father had abused him, had yelled at him, every time he had been in the house, so naturally, he had spent as much time as he could at the park. Many days he could remember sliding down the red tube slide for hours on end, or maybe taking a nap there.

Severas found himself curling up at the bottom of it, trying to remember the days.

FLASHBACK

A much younger Snape was sitting at the bottom, the bright red paint on the slide making his cheeks rosy with their reflection. He was content. It was a hot summer day, and he was taking a rest from the heat in this tiny tunnel.

END OF FLASHBACK

Now Severas could remember it. He laid back, savoring the memory.

Suddenly, a pair of emerald eyes flashed into his mind.

_Your face it haunts_

He could feel the tears falling as he remembered the time that she had spent with him. The bright red paint of him memory clashed painfully with the chips of red paint that he beheld now.

_My once pleasant dreams_

He could almost hear her bubbly laughter. Could almost hear her clothing ruffling as she and him whooshed through the tube, laughing as they both flew out and landed on the chips of wood.

Severas looked out over the wooden chips now. The rain had made huge puddles that made the chips float.

_Your voice it chased away_

He could hear her now, laughing as she had danced in the light rain the night before they both went to Hogwarts. He tried to cover his ears, to stop the sound, to keep his heart from ripping itself into tinier pieces, but it didn't work. He leapt out of the tube, splashing through the puddles as he ran far away.

_All the sanity in me_

He stopped, gasping for breath, looking again into the sky as the hail changed into rain.

He was gasping for breath. His pale shin was paler than it had been before. His eyes leaked tears.

He couldn't lie anymore.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Her smile

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

Her laughter

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

Her emerald eyes

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

Were never going to come back

_But you still have_

_All of me_

He wasn't going to try and forget anymore. She had died. Her had killed her. But it couldn't be right. She wasn't gone, could she really be?

His mind told him she was, but his gasping, gaping heart didn't want to believe him.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

He sobbed, letting the cried sweep through his cold body like a storm over warm water. He fell to his knees, hanging his head in his hands, screaming and crying in the rain.

No one saw him. No one cared. No one ever did. No one, except her.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have_

After a while, he stopped crying. He sat there, looking at where he had ended up. Gently, he put his finger in the concrete groove that had been made by her finger, so long ago. He felt cold inside. He felt like all good things must end. He traced her writing, amazed that he wasn't crying anymore.

He stood up, the rain calming down, but still pouring upon him. He got up, and began to walk away.

The last tear he would cry for her slipped down his cheek, falling onto the heart she had drawn there.

As his figure disappeared, the last small white flower from the tree above it fell down, landing gently onto the teardrop.

All of me


End file.
